When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
