i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
