so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
