P.S. I can't hear my feet
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
