What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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