when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
