Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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