You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
