i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
