I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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