smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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