omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Drake has all the answers
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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