If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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