I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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