i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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