All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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