I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
