Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
