she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
