this just has baby written all over it
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
