All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
