we're blogging at a bar
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
