the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
