Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
