# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
