Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
