Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
