the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
