my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
