:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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