Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
