i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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