she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
