I can text with my tongue
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
