And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
