i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
