how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
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