So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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