And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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