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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
