I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
