He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
