There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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