The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
