should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
