I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize