Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
