True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
