do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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