WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
