youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
