You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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