apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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