Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
