vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
