I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
